Come fly the friendly skies

So… um… funny story.

See… I… uh… bought tickets home for Thanksgiving, and I was really happy because I got a great deal, and… well… it turns out I got a great deal because… I… got round-trip tickets from Denver to Minneapolis, not Minneapolis to Denver (thanks, Orbitz, for making this ever so abundantly clear when I placed the order, by both remembering my previously-searched departure and arrival cities in reverse order and printing the departure and arrival cities in six-point font on the order confirmation).

And because, for some strange voodoo reason, I couldn’t get an e-ticket, they mailed a paper ticket to me (even though they mailed it today, they say it will take about two weeks for it to get here), which I must mail back to them before I can change the flight And nothing doing using their cheap-ass priority mail which only cost me $17.50 (what’s the price of stamps now?); it must be TRACKABLE. So I get to pay UPS or FedEx $20 or so. And then I get to pay all sorts of fees (an “idiot tax,” if you will) of over 130 dollars PER TICKET (this means that, by doing all this, due to the low cost of my original tickets, I recover approximately $30 of the $313 I spent to buy them). Plus any fare differences. This comes to approximately 400 dollars, for which I could buy a whole new set of tickets on… guess where… ORBITZ!

In other words, I could theoretically SAVE a few bucks by NOT getting my tickets refunded. Does anyone out there know differential calculus?

The long and short of this story is that I will be putting a PayPal ‘donate’ button in the sidebar of the front page, under the heading HELP STAMP OUT STUPID MISTAKES. Every penny helps.

13 thoughts on “Come fly the friendly skies

  1. Well… you could purchase a single from Denver to Minneapolis, and just use one shot of your round trip ticket to get to Denver in the first place…. of course, you’d miss thanksgiving… but that holiday is over-rated anyway.

  2. Well, take solace in the fact that although I am significantly poorer, I do now have the proper tickets.

    Now what to do with these useless tickets… I suppose I could make them into a hat or something…

  3. Add them to the Wholesale Souls Online Sales. I’m sure there is some sucker out there who happens to like your work and would be more than willing to purchase a useless commodity years before it actually became worth shit. Mikhail could have a budget for his film (hah, like we’re allocating anything to his piece).

  4. Oh, and you could sell the tickets to someone couldn’t you? Or do they need ID to make sure that the person holding the tickets actually exists? At any case, come to Playwriting.

  5. I can’t sell the tickets because they’re in my name, and it’s a federal crime to travel under an assumed name. And I will come to playwriting, Also, you may find it interesting that the derivative of 0 is also 0.

    Bonus trivia: if f(x)=x, then f(x)’=1. Always. Always.

  6. It is actually f'(x)=1, not f(x)’=1… GOD!
    Extra trivia: The liver turns alcohol into what substance?
    Double bonus: What is the pH level of that substance?

  7. No, f(x)’ is the universal vernacular standard, or UVS for short, for calculus notation. Only an idiot wouldn’t know that.

    Extra trivia answer: The liver turns alcohol into snake oil, which is of neutral pH (useless). It is harvested by chiropractors (“quacks”) and sold to gullible woodland creatures.

  8. Actually, you are wrong. I didn’t know that and I’m not an idiot. Therefore your statement is false, and thus your entire logical process is up for auction, according to the SCOOT (Supersociety of Cats, Oranges, Oxygen and Telemarketing) code of moral obligations. This code is, of course, accepted by everyone in the world, and if you haven’t heard of it, you are (by definition — look it up) not a person.
    The auction for Andrew’s logical processes begins at $20. Start your bidding!

  9. Pingback: Exploding Goldfish Films » Blog Archive » In which I start panhandling

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