You see all this?


So why did I assemble all these incredibly different items in one place? Am I practicing to be the person who arranges all the Drawing I still life sets at MCAD? (Yeah… you art students out there know what I’m talking about…)

Rhetorical question. The answer’s no.

What would you say if I told you that Ethan and I pulled everything you see here out of a single dumpster this afternoon?

You’d probably say something like, “Holy crap! That must be one magical dumpster!” Yes. Yes, it was. It was the dumpster outside the CSU theater building. They’ve been moving to a new building, see, and Sean Cummings, award-winning actor (what awards? I don’t know. Surely he’s won awards? If he hasn’t, he should have) and all-around swell guy, called me up to alert me to the situation. Here’s the short list of what we got:

8 Plastic masks
5 vinyl masks (inexplicably, one is labeled “Tom Hanks,” but looks much more like Lyndon Johnson to me)
2 crowns
1 deluxe horse mask
1 female torso
1 set female legs
1 life preserver
4 pairs work gloves
1 steak knife
2 unused 6B drawing pencils
1 wearable beer gut
1 Macintosh SE/30, keyboard, mouse, associated cables (works!)
1 fat suit (not pictured)
1 set speakers (not pictured)
1 ethernet cable (not pictured)
2 milk crates
1 can hairspray
1 big freakin’ box o’ safety pins
2 containers shine-free powder
1 measuring tape
1 makeup brush
2 makeup pads
1 highlighter
1 roll plastic
1 pad 12″x18″ newsprint (not pictured)
1 big stack 8.5″x11″ card stock (not pictured)
2 pieces black foam core (not pictured)
1 big stack 9″x12″ construction paper
Lots of assorted fabric, including nylon diffusion netting, black velour, white linen and some greenscreen material
1 rubbermaid tub with lid
1 ladybug combination tent & tunnel
1 conical straw hat

Things we left behind:

  • A deluxe Chinese dragon head
  • Pair of dress shoes
  • An enormous pair of stilts
  • A small battalion’s worth of fake medieval armor
  • Lumber
  • A whole bunch of cardboard that could have been recycled (tsk tsk, CSU)

Don’t ask me why they were throwing this stuff out. Obviously those damn thespians don’t have the same appreciation for the finer things in life that we filmmakers do.

More Jackpot!

Yes, you read that right. A fat suit.

Thanks, Sean. You’re my hero (and a good lay, too!) (sorry, it’s late).

12 thoughts on “Jackpot!

  1. Actually, if CSU is anything like CSF then whereas they’d like to keep all of this fun stuff for all sort of good WACKINESS! They simply ran out of room to store more WACKINESS!

    So…there. Oh, and shouldn’t t be the theatre department? Not the theater department? I would also accept “the dumpster outside the CSU theater”, but that would be rather inexplicative as CSU may have multiple theaters.

    Would the batallion of medieval armour still be in the dumpster?

  2. Really? Theatre? I guess that’s right, I felt a little funny typing ‘theater department,’ but I thought that the ‘re’ spelling was just the British version.

    The batallion of medieval armor (not ‘armour’) is probably still there unless somebody else took it, but it wasn’t very convincing. Up close they sort of look like big wearable oven mitts.

  3. EW. You’d best not use the makeup brushes and pads… gross!!!

    And, to settle the small debate, a theater is a place you go, theatre is something you do. :D

  4. @Greg: We must hang out some time. We’re shooting a 16 Heads pickup with headless bodies on Monday, wanna come?

    Also, yes, we left the stilts. What happened was this: I grabbed onto the base of one of them and I got a flash of the future. It was kinda like The Dead Zone, except I wasn’t Christopher Walken and all I saw was myself, doubled over and screaming in agony with one of my knees bent the wrong way. So yes, we left the stilts.

    @Rosalie: The makeup stuff was all still in its original packaging, sealed inside a clean plastic tub. If you ever wind up with that particular makeup on your face, you should feel nothing but gratitude! So far I’ve directed two films where I regularly instructed an actor to “get into makeup” by going out and rolling around in the dirt (it was Vvinni, so he did it).

    I still think y’alls is wrong about theatreer.

  5. We’re not wrong.

    TheatER is a building, something that can be torn down or turned into a fast food McDonalds joint

    TheatRE is an idea,a concept, a force.

    And YOU’RE lame Ethan! Hahahahahahaha!

    Comments on this, Greg?

    And yes, I did roll in the dirt. And it felt fantastic. Fantastic

  6. Having existed in the pseudo-professional theatRE world for six years, I can tell you that all major authorities spell the concept or idea “theatre” and the building a “theater.” Just ask IATSE or the AEA. If you spell it (or even intone it) “theater,” they will come to your house and whip you.

    But my theatre prof. (and head of the department) says, “Fuck it, man. Spell it however you want and it’ll be right!”

    So that’s the philosophy I go by.

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