Wholesale Souls, Inc.: A Gratuitous Review!

I know, I know.

We’ve all seen this little ditty about school, suicide, and the importance of eating dessert first. What you haven’t seen is said ditty on your own television screens, listening to the audio through taped-up headphones so you don’t disturb your parents reading on the couch five feet away. You can try to get them to watch the movie with you, but the new O magazine came today, and your mother is engrossed in Dr. Phil’s latest methods for saving her children (read: you) from themselves (yourself).

I am happy to say I’m different from all of you, because I have seen WSI in the relative comfort of my own home.

Given that at least 80% of the people who read this have already seen the movie, I don’t see the point of critiquing the film itself. I already know what most of you think about this film by listening to the cast commentary. So I think I’ll just review the packaging and peripherals that Andrew spent so much time designing.

Right out of the shipping package, I was very pleased with the cover design and film notes. The back design was particularly nice, free from thumbnailed screenshots and bogus movie reviewer quotes proclaiming WSI as the best romantic comedy of the year, or some such bullshit.

Take a moment out of reading this review and scroll down the page until you come upon the posted image of the packaging. Now, scroll back up and continue reading. The art on the discs looks COMPLETELY DIFFERENT in person: the colors are vivid, the images are succulent and inviting; looking at these 4.5 inch plastic slabs, I found myself wondering if they were edible. I haven’t licked the discs yet, but it’ll be the first thing I do after writing this.

Having unwrapped and opened the DVD box, I took a moment to suppress my salivary glands and proceeded to put disc 1 (the movie) into my DVD player. I then thought better of it, and put disc 2 in (the not movie).

Quick show of hands: how many of you received the personal introduction to the interactive menus by Andrew himself? Really? Good. I won’t feel stupid talking about it now.

The interactive menus are gorgeous. When navigating the content, the POV pans and zooms around the menu, inducing motion sickness while you search for the hidden video of Parker at the…never mind. And no crude menu options superimposed over clips of the film, either! Just a classy black-and-white production still of Greg looking bored. When he dies, we’ll use that image in the slide show at his memorial service.

The documentaries on the special features disc, in true Hollywood filmmaking style, are much more involved and…well, long…than perhaps they should be. We must remember, though, that if we are to join the elite as a legitimate film interest, we must be able to choke our viewers with as much lax editing and worthless content as possible. For $20, people expect not just a film experience, but a soporific as well.

The film itself, being on the first disc, was good. It looked and sounded a lot like the last time I saw it, but the kicker is I was watching with headphones and I couldn’t tell the ADR from the original sound feed! The mixing on this movie is…NYAAAQ! Not even Hollywood can rock that shit like Andrew did!

I liked the commentaries, as well. I think Andrew was slightly off his rocker when he decided to hold a commentary session with more than ten people, but he had the forethought to invite his parents to the recording session; their presence probably kept the commentary from devolving into an obscenity-laced shouting match…I’m referring to YOU, Parker and Paul.

So, in a long-overdue summation, I like the movie. I like the special features. I like the DVDs. I like the DVD case. I even like Pokémon. I like 5-star ratings, and I’m going to give Wholesale Souls, Inc. a 5-star rating.

[rate 5]

For those of you who question my rating, I just have to say that every rating system has to have a basis, so we might as well use this film as a standard for all subsequent work.

P.S. The discs don’t taste at all like what they look like.

5 thoughts on “Wholesale Souls, Inc.: A Gratuitous Review!

  1. having just watched this film I have come to the conclusion that movies made by high school students are freaking awesome. despite the obvious lack of budget and low level of experience in actors and crew, i now never plan on buying a movie made on a budget of more than ten thousand dollars with actors who have ever had acting lessons or gone to film school. so terminal philosophy better have a good dvd so that its worth actually buying. also i would like to state that I took the advice given in in one of the previous strings of responses and am now down to nothing but a pair of snow pants and am completely broke, so whoever gave that advice owes me pants you bastard.

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