Somewhere in suburban Colorado last week, a person received a package reeking of onion. Everything was going according to plan.

To recap: First this happened, then this happened, then this and this happened.

Thanks to Vvinni, you can see exactly what happened when that onion-scented box was opened, embedded below:

And here, friends, for the first time, I am proud to present what was on that tape:

This is not over, friends. Sinister insinuations and careless threats have been made. Foul deeds are afoot. The Tape will travel again.

Read more about the mail adventures:

• THE TAPE